Happy Birthday Jesus

Overall, not a bad haul this year: A 4kg Weight (Note the singular) by my brother who couldn't get another because he would have collapsed under the massive combined gravitional pull of Two weights. (Thanks Bro)
A red skinny tie from my sister. I have absolutely no idea she would get me a tie; It's not as if i've been subtly hinting that i enjoy asphyxiation or strangulation. Nevertheless, I appreciated the thought. I tried it on after we came back from Christmas Dinner. Pairing it with the black shirt i was wearing, i found myself to bear astonishingly great resemblance to this other famous Musician.



And This one.



And all these other guys.



On account of today being Christmas, I shall be nice and leave the bashing of androgynous emo bands to another day. However, I found the similarity amusing and like a weirdo, laughed out loud while air guitaring and emo singing "WE'LL CARRY ON", which is the only line i know from that MCR song.
Haiz. I'm damn weird, and i know it's true. You can ask my sister, she was there.

My Sis: "Yar, He's damn weird." (SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?)

We went to Jack's Place for Christmas Dinner, and it was rather awesome. The food was great and all. But you'll think that at such hefty prices, they could at least afford some proper crockery, and not the fLIMZY bowls they had set on the table.

Anyhow, they did contour greatly to the shape of my cranium. And for that reason, i'll let this incident pass. I also found myself unable to finish my potatoes because of emotional Bio Practicals: which have corrupted my attitude towards Potatoes. No longer will I be able to look upon a Potato and not think about Osmosis, Sugar, and Rising water levels.

~~~

Oh yeah, I have a new phone now. And it has a *Built IN CAMERA*!!! (Squeals) Now I can upload pizzies of 3.2 Megapixel goodness. Oh, and it's loads of Linkin Park songs tagging along with it, and also a Flash. Um, I've got a mirror here, so I'll just take a picture of myself taking a picture of myself taking a picture of myself taking a picture of myself...


Hoho, you Lians think you can finally see my face? How does Intense disparity of brightness feel now? IN YOUR FACE!!! 

~~~

25th Post on Christmas Day. Pure Coincidence.
Anyway as the day draws to an end, let me wish all who celebrate a very Merry Christmas. 
Do remember that today's about the celebration of Jesus being born, and not about presents and stuff. Oh, and that the Advent Calendar Is still open...

But still... Enjoy your Loot :)

My Life: Because you don't have one.

And now for a slighty more conventional Blog Post:

Today was Sunday, the day of the blazing ruthless Sun. It was really hot.

Nonetheless, I found myself being dragged along to go apartment hunting with the family. We saw, like eight places in four hours, which is no mean feat considering the fact that we had to incorporate lunch and take one unscheduled break at a hawker center because i developed a severe case of the hiccups. Also, walking around the neighbourhood under the incandescent sun is draining...

There was this really awesome playground at one of the apartments in Bishan :/
If I had a camera I could show you how awesome it was. Yeah, I played at a playground. I should really act my age or something blah.

I thought I saw my friend sitting next to this guy at this park. Turns out it wasnt my friend. The forementioned friend is female and the guy was Malay. But honestly, there isn't much point in mentioning that. Mentioning stuff like that only stirs up gossip and unwanted accusations of how racist and prejudiced i am.

I was supposed to get my new phone today but we failed to take into account how congested and swarming town is on days of the blazing ruthless sun. So, we changed plans and went to Anchorpoint to eat. It's suprising to see how Anchorpoint has transformed from once desolute mall to it's current splendour. I haven't been there for a while but i remember that it was never this bustling. I tried out the pizza in the food court and did lame coin tricks on my brother with a 50 cent coin while i waited for my pie.

I bought a shirt from the Factory Outlet store at cheap. Emblazoned on the front were the text:"Phoenix City Rockers - League of Hellraisers". Later on i would realise that it was a Juicy Couture Shirt. Yes, It was for males. I love my Juicy Juicy...

I think my father got lost halfway. So while the rest of us waited for him to turn up eventually, we watched the mall band set up and prepare for their gig. However, we had to miss the gig because my brother was experiencing the early symptoms of a bowel movement and for some reason is unable to defacate in an unfamiliar enviroment, cutting short the night.

When we reached home, my brother and I argued over who would carry the sack of rice up. It is both our uttermost dream to be a Vietnamese Rice Farmer.



There you have it, an embarassingly accurate potrayal of my uneventful boring day. Yesterday was so much better. I watched Asian Idol and then changed channel midway because it was so damn boring watching all the idols being Asian. So i watched this Chinese Kung Fu show which casted a young Jet Li in it. It must have been the grandfather of all Martial Arts Movies cause it was so bloody kickass. Oh, It's called the Tai Chi Master. Man, what a cool name for a cool movie.

...
Mah Block suck deek :)

I like the Feeling of being Read.

I was feeling kind of bored and down today, and so to cheer myself up, i decided to visit random ah lian blogs so that i could feel superior and uppity. Its really great therapy if you're feeling melanchoic. As (mis)quoth by Frank Tyger: "To laugh [at] others is one of life's greatest pleasure." How did i find these blogs? Simple.


I love Google Blog Search

So anyway, I was feeling all smug and contented with life till i scrolled all the way down of this particular lian's page. A Statmeter, with a reading of 15652. That, combined with the multiple comments made and tagboard activity, implys that said blog is more popular than mine.

Hw eesh eet pOsSiBlE dat sum1 hu types lyk thys gets m00r readership than my SuperUltraMagnificant and Fantabulistic Blog, which i garnish with impeccable english which is pleasant to the retinas. It doesn't make sense.

Oh, and by the way, seriously what is up with some of the stuff Ah Lians write on their blogtitles? They're either really creepy... (Like Crazy stalker Creepy)

Hello Pretty :D
DarLiN, ii wiLL wAit FerR eUu...
her_obsession


Or they're really really... Stupid.

#DeAD Dollie <3> 

boboiscrazy <-- By Bobo. Gabe: Thank you Bobo for forewarning everyone about your mental health. 

But before we get sidetracked any further, i would like to return to initial point. I would like to appeal to readers of this blog to reciprocate their own views and not lurk about so by posting comments. (You can do such by clicking the comment link at the bottom of each post.) Also, please try to get friends to read this blog as after all, this is meant to be a public educational site :)
And as a bonus incentive, If I notice a significant increase of viewership, I will shave half an armpit and post a picture on this blog.

Oh wait, that seems more like a deterrant. Argh, anyway I still have no Armpit hair LOL.

Erm, anyway, My good friend Borat from Kazakhstan has released his newest book which is available for free reads at Borders. Go there and read it if you're a cheap scumbag like me. Very Nice.

Thanks for reading :(

Its not my fault that I haven't blogged in ages...

Blogger is like being a bitch and not working the way it should.
Ok, I lied.
It is my fault because im too lazy.
I'm not the only one though.
Must be an epiDERmic.
Haha
Its Epidemic you dipshit lose
actually i think its because everyone else is having fun.

:(

Next Gen

I am going to be mentor to a group of Adolscelents who wish to learn guitar. Hope that i will mentor and not go mental on them. After all, Teenagers are our hope for a brighter tomorrow.

I'm not Dead Yet.

So the Big 'O' is over. And I have not died from my nerves disintergrating.

Awesome!!!

In retrospect, it wasn't as horrendous as initially expected, with the lone exception of English Composition, which was a F@cking Disaster. (Cambridge, If you're reading this, please excuse candidate number 0256 for dreadful writing as he was experiencing post hibernation withdrawal symptoms, which may have induced lingual diarrheoa and uncircumspect syntax.)

Arggh! Cambridge! Are you Listening?!? My English teacher has predicted that I will get an A1 for English! If you give me anything less, she will be labelled as Presumptous!!! Could you bear to brand her Presumptous?!?

Don't answer that.

Anyway, now that the shackles which have caged my soul are finally off, I am as FREE as the Bak Kua samples they give out at Mei Zhen Xiang outlets. (Sometimes the crap I write scares myself.) Which means that you can expect more posting...


This Blog is like. So not. Stagnant.

Anyway, I do not wish to make the same mistake of dawdling away the time like the previous years. Having spent a whole year being suppressed by the dawning of the big 'O', I now realise how precious time is.

Therefore I am setting a few targets for Self Improvement to tide me over.

Academic - Improve Vocabulary. Get Headstart on Mathematics. Read up more on Fictional and Factual Lore. Also learn how to cook and perform simple computer maintanence.

Social - Stop being an Antisocial Bastard, (I don't really think I am but everyone says that.) and Let friends play a more Intergral part in my Life. Also would like to make more friends as I haven't made any recently. I'm not creepy and No, I do not reek with Rancid Body Odour. I'm like an Under Appreciated Choice Morsel.

Physical - Improve Stamina by doing more jogging. -Learn how to Front Crawl. (Been working on it for 4 years now. I think I'm not Buoyant enough or something.) Work on Physique and Dimensions. (Currently 2 Dimensional, Aiming for 3.)
Play Sports? (Nah that's kind of pushing it.)

Musical - Star In One. 


What Time Is it? I'm not sure. I'm not wearing a Watch.

Seriously though: Must work on tapping for acoustic and electric, percussive ability on acoustic, rhythm and speed for electric. Also, start up the Band and give it a name that will finally stick. Must pull Pianorokr away from Youtube.

Still Alive by GlaDOS~
Aperture science.
We do what we must because we can.
For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are dead.

Gymmy Gymmy Gym

I tagged along with my friends to this community gym a little while back, mainly because I wanted to see what was the fuss with all this "Healthy Lifestyle" jazz. It's not what you think, I do get exercise at times; I do the occasional walk to the fridge and back. I also lift my fork to my mouth sometimes when no one else is at home to feed me. So I believed i was fit. Foolishly.

Aftermath: Even today my body aches in Lactic acid induced pain.

Being a Gym Newbie, I was rather intimidated by the gym and its burlesque inhabitants initially. Which may have caused me to become clingy. Therefore I apologize to my friends if I had inconvenienced them in any way.

On the plus side it does seem as if my arms have grown by a whole inch, which is strange considering i had did all the exercises the wrong way...

I do have some peeves though...

1.) People who save machines with towels, even though they're like a mile away doing cardio or something.
Please lor, Community Gym... not "Your Father's" Gym. Your sweaty towel we also don't want to touch. k? thnks bb. Even worse are the people who snatch a machine right under your nose. One old lady did that to us. We wanted to be mean to her but decided not to because we are fine cultured gentlemen and she's just an old senile lady. But please lor, can don't like that? tyty.

2.) People hanging around your machine and staring at you.
2 People actually did this to me. I was so freaked out that i didn't finish my set and absconded from my chest fly machine. >,<

3.) Bad Personal Hygiene
I intended to try out this thing that supposedly worked your obliques, but upon closer inspection, had realized that that was a shiny sheen of sweat secreted all over the seat. Which sickened me to the stomach. (Hehe Alliteration...)

4.) Grunting
First you start lifting the heaviest weight you can find in the gym, then you start making noises which sound as if you are having sex with a rhinoceros and an ostrich simultaneously for the world to hear. Thanks, we needed that.

5.) Old People
They smell like farts. And they have huge bulging bellies that need to be put away. It's seriously obscene. After all there are children like me running around whose eyes need not be tormented the same way mine were.

I'm taking a Siesta from blogging. After all, 10 days.
Till the storm passes. Tada.

We've come Full Circle.

So the dreaded has ended. So why do I mourn?

Stupid Lians.

I hate pureMILK.

I have unceasingly loathed it with heartfelt enmity ever since my eyes were first exposed to that abomination of clothing. And the fact that it is endorsed by Ah Lians everywhere just goes to show that it is truly deserving of our abhorrence. Come on, It's an Ah Lian brand made by Ah Lians... and I hate Ah Lians.

To my horror, I saw this guy with really ugly hair and a face to match wearing this on the bus yesterday...

Ok, this guy needs to go down to the precinct and surrender his testicles because he obviously doesn't deserve them. I had to muster all the self restraint i had to stop myself from lunging forward and snipping away his balls. Guys, don't think that wearing a shirt sworn by Ah Lians will score you chicks. You look like a complete gaywad.

And Milk doesn't make you drunk, contrary to what it says on the label. I'm pretty sure that i have never been in an inebriated state because of milk. And I'm absolutely certain that milk does not contain any alcohol of sorts. A trip to my local refrigerator confirms this fact.



Let's see... doesn't seem as if milk contains any trace of alcohol... Milk may give you flatulence or osmotic diarrhea if you are lactose intolerant, but is incapable of inducing a drunken stupor. So there you stupid Ah Lians and Bengs...



Out of curiosity, i visited PMK's website where i was greeted by a massive onslaught of pinkness, Kawaii nehx ^_^ no? Though slightly perturbed, i ventured on... and found this.



No wonder this is why Ah Lians and Bengs of the universe have chosen PMK as their champion, it is the epitome of the one trait all of them share: Bad English. Argh i just can't stand Puremilk...

On a side note, i am very content and pleased with Life of late. Thank the lord for good grades and good friends. Seniors night was fun, but i can't upload any photos in case the Ah Lians later come in their PMK and stalk me down and brutally kill me with their rebonded hair. >.<

Does Carbon Monoxide go for Mass? or Volume?

I have transcended to the next level of nerdiness.



I am severely jeopardizing my chances at ever finding a girlfriend by posting this. I can only dream of a Utopia where someone may actually like and appreciate me for me Uber elite skills at a Rubik's cube. "Fat chance of that ever happening in this Superficial world..." Anyhow, I am not daunted by this at present moment as i have my cube, which i have endowed affectionately the endearing moniker: Rubi. I think she's named rather apt.

In Comparison, A Rubik's cube can be much better than a girlfriend. Both are sure to provide entertainment to a certain degree... but while a girlfriend taxes heavily on one's wallet, Rubi is cheap, in the monetary sense of the word of course. ($4.90, What a Steal.) Although i do let others play with Rubi :/
Rubi also allows me to play with her anytime for however long i want, something which, should you be foolish enough to try on your girlfriend, would most certainly result in a throbbing cheek, and a mad girlfriend. Most undesirable, unless you're into that kind of stuff...

I learnt the solution to the cube last week, and though it was geeky in retrospect to memorize the various algorithms required, it was still really fun. And the sense of satisfaction one obtains after solving the cube the virgin time is just... liberating. And i seem to have sparked a renewed interest in the cube :\

......

The following conversation took place yesterday night (Honestly...) :

Irritating Little Brother: Hey, what's the best way to remove harmful gases from car exhaust?

Sad Ol' Me: Huh? Say again... (I was playing with the cube... Too distracted to listen or breathe... )

ILB: How to remove gases from car exhaust?

SOM: Just install a Catalytic Converter...

ILB: A Catholic Converter?



So Hilarious... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHA

May be Wordy...

There are a select few are gifted in weaving verse so poignant, it haunts the inner soul. These people are sporadic among us. They provide nourishment for the soul, through emotion in the form of words. Poetry, has thus become a tool for many, all seeking to follow in the footsteps of great poets such as Shakespeare and TS Elliot. However, Shakespeare and Elliot were geniuses... Most people are simply not "Shakespearean" in nature and should not pursue poetry for the sake of all mankind.

Because of its accessibility, poetry has been subjugated by many aspiring bad poets, leading to the creation of many bastardized variants of poetry. Despite the vast differences 'Bad' poetry may have with its superior cousin in measures of talent, Bad poetry can prove to be equally, or even more entertaining. Awful poetry as such is commonplace, especially on the Internet, where various tortured poets dwell.

Last night, i found myself amused by The Waitress, which i had dismissed originally due to my inaccurate presumption that it was a "Chick Flick." Do not be deterred by this as you will miss out on a good movie which manages to balance humour and emotional impact masterfully. My only quirk was that its ending was not as satisfactory as it could have been, and more loose ends could have be tightened up. But back to the point, what inspired this post was actually one of the characters in the film, a geeky stalker dwarf by the moniker of "Ogie"(Played by Eddie Jemison), which is apparently short for Oklahoma. His atrocious poetry left me in tears, for sheer humour value. Watch it, and you'll know what I mean...

So, how do you write bad poetry? The answer should come naturally, but for the sake of you idiotic aspirants, i will instruct you in the ways of the 'bad poet'.

There has been much debate amidst the Bad Poet community on whether or not Bad poems should rhyme. While some believe that all efforts should should made in order for the verse to be structured in rigid Iambic form, others feel that such inflexibility limits the freedom which poetry is supposed to convey. One good example of bad poetry is as such.

I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh)
But you keep fronting (uh)
Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh)
But I ain't see nothin' (ah)

I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh)
But you keep fronting (uh)
Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh)
But I ain't see nothin' (ah)

Note the skillful manipulation of sounds to create an overall rhyming effect, albeit horrible poetry. When creating bad poetry, just use all means (alliteration, repetition) for this desired effect to degrade yourself as much as possible.

Your poetry should include as many themes which you do not know about. These themes should be deep and impressive, so as make your poetry seem as profound as can be. Themes such as Nihilism, War, and Politics should do fine here. And remember, It's not what you know that counts, its how much you write which does. You are at the liberty to shit out as much crap as you want, don't let something like quality control get in your way.

I could ramble on and all, but i believe that should i rant on any longer, the verbosity of this post may overwhelm your puny brains and cause your cerebrums to dis-function. Good bye and have fun shitting up the universe with Bad poetry.

Diploma in Warfare

Some Lessons in warfare we can learn from watching King Arthur, It being an excellent representation of what medieval warfare was like.
To fully appreciate the ingenuity of this post, please watch King Arthur. Free Publicity hor...

1.)People superior to you in rank are Jerks.

This is a Universal fact and is unable to be refuted by any Evidence, be it hard, soft, or of a degree varying between the two.

2.)Why spend time smelting swords when you have screws?


In the 15th century, no one's got time to scoot over to the blacksmith to order a sword with all the serfing and lording that needs to be done. The solution: Simply pop on an unused hilt onto the edge of a sword and use your Phillips-Head Screwdriver to magically induce weaponry of sturdy quality. This frees up valuable time for other leisurely 15th century pastimes, such as Bike riding and Computer games.

3.)Skinny, emaciated girls are able to wield weapons twice their weight.



Contrary to popular belief, Females do not need to stock up on anabolic steroids in order to measure up with their male counterparts. They are blessed with the ability to exhibit colossal strength in hostile situations, and store all that magnificent tenacity in their diminutive figures. Just look at Guinevere draw a full size bow, a considerable task even for male archers, with ease.
Keira Knightley is 105 lbs and she is able to draw a Bow. I can't even draw a Circle...

4.)Horses are an effective tool against shields.

As as the film depicts it, shields are in actual fact constructed out of a partially permeable membrane which is able to allow horses to diffuse through it. Knights on steeds are therefore able to charge through clustered groups of footmen like a hot knife does through butter.

5.)If you're the first wave sent into attack, you're probably going to die.

This is because in every war, there is a prerequisite of dead bodies to fulfill before it can be considered a war. Likewise, in every movie, there is also a fixed quota of dead bodies to realize in order for viewers to consider the lead characters as severely overpowered in warfare. Therefore, if wish not to meet with a grimly demise in battle, Never volunteer to lead your platoon, Heed not your officer's commands and always scurry to the back like a little girl.

6.)In a game of Rock Paper Scissors, Just use Fire.

Charmanders are well sought after in times of Medieval War

Because Fire always wins everything else. Fire burns paper, melts scissors, and... exfoliates the rock. Fire wins just about everything except for Water. But what are you going to do with water in wartime? Super soak your opponent? Fire also solves every problem under the sun; When you're angry with your laundry? Burn your laundry. When you're angry with your friends? Burn your friends. When you're angry with life? Burn yourself. Need I say more about Fire?

7.)Your best friend always gets it.

And when I say 'It', I don't mean getting laid. I mean getting Dead. So as to make the main character more conflicted and brooding than he already is. Everyone loves a good heart wrenching tragedy. All the more reason not to be close friends with your commander, after all, fate has a funny way of manifesting herself.

8.)Killing the Leader of your enemies is equivalent to an instantaneous win.


You Kill one Saxon, You've killed them all.

Somehow, my initial impression of warfare was not something like this, where you are able to smite down the incurred wrath of a whole army by eliminating its leader in a one on one duel to the death. I must commend the Saxons for all dying at the right moment, when their leader is struck down. Very precise timing and excellent coordination.

Walk away today with a better understanding of War, and remember: When all else fails, use Fire.

Long Hair is Commensurate with how Misunderstood you feel.

Sadako epitomizes this.


Ish Troo, eYe qUiTe MeEsHuNdErStOoD.

Blogger's Spell check is going crazy here. Haha. Moving on...

That's how I've been feeling of late. Be tolerant as I try to get intimate with my sensitive, personal emotions... This connection might take a while.

Stupid 56k dial up modem...

I'm feeling... lost. And not like Emmy winning hit American serial Drama "Lost", but rather just lost. I don't know what am i doing wrong here, all i know is that what I'm doing doesn't seem to be right. It can't be right because it feels so wrong. Then there's people: I used to scorn those who wallowed in self pity induced by their antisocial tendencies, but now, i think i am able to identify with this sentiment. Can't believe I just wrote that. I guess i'm just weary of not being myself...

I miss the time where i could just be myself in front of people with no apprehension that they would judge you based on how you conduct yourself. Everyone's a critic nowadays, and the only way to not be arbitrated is to build partitions around you, for fear that what you are would be mutinous to your cause. Time after time i have let myself get hurt because of being myself, and therefore i have inexorably adapted and became resilient. I am careful, careful to not give these "critics" anymore reason to condemn me the moment i slip up.

I don't like to be fake. But I don't like getting hurt either.
_________
How do you take something as intangible as feelings and embody it in definite form for the world to see? "My good sir, It simply cannot be done." Very well, seeing that the Literature paper is just around the corner, I will compose a poem in lieu of actual studying of set text. Enjoy this magnificent composition of depth and whatnots.

I lay in darkness
Nihilism, All I am.
Hark, Is that a Lark?

The Haiku, the form of Poetry so ravished in the blatant futile mimicry of great poets. Note how I inserted "dark and emo" words such as Nihilism into the verse skillfully. It helps fabricate the illusion that i am indeed troubled and rebellious. You could not tell the difference between this and the lyrics to the latest song by the coolest goth/punk rock band.

Perhaps I am being addled by stress. My cerebrum has been overrun by this madness known as "study." Hopefully I will regain clarity before tomorrow. You have my assurance that the next post has nothing to do with me... Please do not abandon readership lol.

If I wasn't so empathic perhaps I'll be a lot happier :/
SighX.

Liv Teh Dweam. ( First Part of a Trigonometry.)

Even though i am aware of the fact that this vile merchandise is the exact same shit repackaged in a fancy box, I still find myself compelled to purchase. This is not because i am susceptible to Mediacorp's nefarious peddling, rather i thrive on its painful existence, seeing that it has to endure the scrutiny of me and other fellow asshole self-righteous bastards.

Like every reality/variety show produced in Singapore, Live the Dream's cash prize is so palsy and unattractive, and not truly able to aid an aspiring musician in his future endeavors. It's so miserable, It's probably warrant enough only for starving musicians to get themselves a job before this "dream" dissipates. No wonder the necessity to rally people to nominate/sabo friends into this cheap scam. How Shrewd, Mediacorp.

Granted, the contestants this time round are far much more talented that those from previous incarnations. However, their brilliance is marred by the recurring resident judges Dick and Ken. I know, Singapore's music industry is small enough... Still, Is it really imperative to use the same judges? Why don't we just call the show Singapore 25 and above Idol? Seeing as it's already so not the same show.

Also, If you don't intend to make a contract with any of the contestants, Why do you still nitpick on anything else rather than their vocal capabilities? Yes, I'm looking at you Ken. It's not supposed to be about package anymore isn't it? It's supposedly just based on talent. Stop looking at their clothes and just listen to how they sound! Yes Dick, we know you're wearing Marc Jacobs... sheesh

Also, who can resist taking a straight jab at some of these memorable one liners?

"You get to decide who goes on, and who stays in the competition." ~ Utt :/

"You are an experienced musician, that's the problem. You look too comfortable." ~ Ken Lim
(Excuse me, but that's like saying: Polar bear, you live too much in the Arctic. You look too cool, you should live in the Sahara desert.)

"I HAVE A THING FOR DRUMMERS" ~ Ann Hussein *swoons*
"I must say, you have got the look down pat. Best dressed of the night." ~ Dick Lee to Victor Tang
(Hello? Am i experiencing Deja Vu? If you don't get it, here's what they were wearing...)




...
And now for some purdy pixxiez of the night!!!


Teh Hips don't Lie.


If I could ever one day meet this fan, I would ask her about her secret to grow dimples as lovely as hers.


Why. The. Need. For. Arm. Peed.


People I like, such as these guys.

Brim in Anticipation for the pearls of wisdom found in the next part of the Trigonometry. Thanks, I love you guys too.

Moist.

Like, OH MY GOD
I just talked to a girl over the telephone!
And I just wet my pants.

Alright, I know you guys want details. But let me compose myself cause that was just so so hot hawt HAUTZzZ!!! The conversation was like:

girl: Welcome to Mcdonalds, Can I take your order?

me: hangs up.

This must be how fornication feels like.

---
Leave a comment to let me know how much you love me.

---
Apparently no one loves me... sobxsobx

What's not In?

Hello, today i will be Tt...blawking about smoking. Smoking, was made popular back in the nineteen-seventy sixes somethings during the great Inuit massacre. As there was overpopulation of Inuits, Hunters were headhunted for their abilities to hunt heads, and delegated the honorable task of Inuit genocide. Their reward, was the holy pipe, now better known in today's context as a "fag." In those days, cigarettes were a status symbol, which were only made available to those who were affluent.


A Inuit hunter, lighting up after a long hard day of work.

However, in present times, smoking has become a much frowned upon practice as recent medical studies have confirmed the many hazards one exposes himself to with every puff. It is therefore my duty, (this being an educational site and what not...) to enlighten the masses out there on smoking.

Today, I met with one of these smokers at a bus stop. To my dismay, she had decided to situate herself right amidst the crowd of people awaiting for their buses as it was raining. Unperturbed by the many stares she was gathering, she proceeded to light up and inhale slowly. Now I'm not sure, but i think there's some law against being stupid in public.

Do these people actually know what they are doing to their bodies every time they take a puff? They compromise the health of themselves, and the people around them with acrid SECOND HAND SMOKE. So it's not just their problem, You may also be a passive smoker.

Also, do you want these as lungs?



Or fats in your blood vessels?


Also, this particular smoker was quite young, probably around sixteen or seventeen years of age. In my opinion, girls shouldn't smoke, unless they want to throw their lives down the drain. Smoking only cuts down their future options when it comes to finding a life partner... Anyone who sees anything in girls like these would either be a hooligan, or a very desperate man. Have you seen what smoking does to your teeth? they are teeth that not even a mother would love. There are benefits though, You probably won't have to spend anything on abortions seeing as your kids will be stillborn or miscarriage'd... Also, you will perpetually smell of cigarette smoke, which every man just loves. Free Perfume too!

So anyway, kids who are thinking that smoking is cool cause it's rebellious and all. Don't.
Cause you won't be able to get out of it once to start... And speaking of rebellious, the "rebel is cool" image died out a long time ago... Rebellious is like the time of Grease. The time your parents were born...


Yeah I'm hip...

To you smokers out there, I'm apologetic about this post's offensiveness... but please, for the sake of ourselves, buy a goddamn nicotine patch and stop smoking...

Haizz..

I can't deliver aforementioned sucky blog post today because i have other stuff to rant about today. Please bear with my constant tardiness when it comes to producing shoddy work.

My hand phone was dropped... into a pail of water yesterday. And i only see it fitting that it deserves a tearful eulogy in memorial of it's faithful service.

A Tearful Eulogy:

You were constantly kept at my side.
Although you didn't really have much of a choice.
umm...
Your Megapixels were far more advanced than those your age...
Yar, a fine handphone, the best anyone could ask for
much better than this repulsive piece of crap i have to use now

Also, all trace evidence that linked Dwee with pianorokr have been removed...

Some girl got expelled today... stupid bitch.

I'll do up this post tomorrow and remove above since i have tuition now...

Look at whatcha done

Statement: There has been constant pressure applied to me by others, whose main intention is to get the me to blog more. Although disinclined initially, this perpetual force has finally coerced me to concede.

Hypothesis: This Blog is going to blow. (Even harder than Bulletball.)

Evidence: When this blog was first updated at a leisurely pace of once a week, I was able to disguise my inadequacies at blogging initially. You must try understand that I basically lack the key essential elements which are made available in majority of bloggers in the blawk-go-sphear, and therefore the task at hand is therefore... onerous.

"Lack Elements? LOL wut toking abt u? ur blog pro sia..."

Maybe some of you may ask this, and i appreciate your kind intentions. But they do not mask the fact that when i am stripped down right to the core, i am just downright not inclined to blogging. Why?

Firstly, I have no interests or pursuits which are really worth mentioning. Also, my aptitude tests have shown that i have no social skills whatsoever. Bluntly put, I have no Life.

Secondly, my English standards are seemingly regressive. It won't be long before my god given knack of writing palpable english begin to recede like a sort of 'Flowers for Algernon' effect whar i dont really right ne more sense and dis blog will just like (haiz) sux cox lol. soon i wunt remember how put dose DOTZ at de n of sentence lol haiz. mish myuh proeproe englizh haha...

That's right, the lowest form of language is AOL speak.

And Last but not least, I am absolutely not funny. No... you didn't think I would have a sense of humour would you? Well I used to have one but i imported it from Taiwan and it wasn't really made properly. Yeah, damn those lousy manufacturers. Haha, what would make you think i have a sense of humour... You're the joke lol.


Spiderman wants blogged good too...

Conclusion: Prepare yourself for mudane shit and not top of the mill classy standard posts.

On a side note, Wo De Hua Yu Na Yi San. Wo Hen Kai Xin.

Happuh Burf Dae

I caught a few glimpses of the National Day Parade last Thursday. You know, Testosterone fueled burly men demonstrating what they'll do to you should you commit an offence... Paratroopers jumping out of planes to reflect on how "vibrant and technologically advanced we are."
so on and so forth... same old, same old...

Which was why I choked on my Cheese fondue dipped Pizza upon seeing this monstrosity:

mutant n. An individual, organism, or new genetic character arising or resulting from mutation.

This is Sing, the main character of this year's National Day Parade, who symbolizes tremendous will power and bountiful energy of Singapore and Singaporeans. And throughout the show segment, SING journeys through various territories and succeeds against all odds and is rewarded with endless possibilities.

We obviously have very poor representation then. According to the very annoying commentary throughout the parade, The vibrant red colour supposedly represents our creativity. Well, someone at costumes sure has creativity. The outfits are so creative, it's clawing away at my anus. The red you see, is the blood from the lacerating.

On a side question which is still relevant to the topic, who is this guy? Because he is bloody sensational...


I AM THE KING! UHHUHUH

He sang the second NDP song this year, and his high energy performance (complete with karate high kicks and dyed blond hair) was better than anything i had seen in NDP.

Also, Happy Birthday to the next in line. Thanks for taking shit from me...

LeLONG LeLONG

Today is Charity Cafe day, and we were selling Ice Cream. Being naturally charismatic and exceptionally persuasive, I took upon the job of Sales Department. (Yes, Sales DEPARTMENT I'm that good...)

Okay, so I met my job initially with great enthusiasm and ran around trying to politely persuade people to try some "Creme of Dreams", however the feedback wasn't that great. Out of the many people i had tried to reel in, many seemed to give me a look of disgust whenever "Creme of Dreams" was mentioned.I still wonder why...

Out of a sample size of 40:

• 13 would just avert my spiel and avoid looking at me. (How rude indeed.)
• 9 would tell me that they would come back later, and never again did i see them...
• 7 would ascribe their inability to eat Ice Cream to a weird disease of sorts.
• 5 claimed that they were down on their luck, destitute and hard up, therefore not having the $1 to contribute.
• 4 would bargain with me and insist that i buy their goods first before they were willing to buy mine.

Time for quick math: 40 - 13 - 9 - 7 - 5 - 4 = 1

Thats right, only 1 out of every 40 people seemed willing to partake in some delicious Ice cream, and was pleasant enough about it. They were nice people and i am so grateful towards them. Quite a number of our customers came from the Student Council so be nice towards them and don't stir up trouble for them ok?

Though prospects appear bleak at first, business was soon drummed up after i enforced a new sales technique. (Not Factual.)

BUY LAH BITCH KNN

We broke even soon after that.

I frequented my friend's stall (Where his Wii was helping him churn out cash) often throughout the day, so as to entertain myself at the antics of some of the customers. Boy , they sure seemed to be having such a workout, possibly burning more calories in one game as compared to a triathlon. According to the Wii website however, only small motions are needed for the Wiimote to detect motion, which essentially abridges the need for one to flail all over the place.

All in all, I'm glad for today.

Wat Devver Man

So I'm stuck at home today, having come down with a bout of flu.

Got my meds, and spent the morning on the Great internet ( There really ain't much else to do...) When i came across this gem. The Net drama in question, originates from here.
I've learnt that Net dramas only end badly for all involved, so rather than take any sides, let me use this post to revere the man in the video, Steven Lim.


XiaXue dot BLARWKspot dot com...

Ahh... My love for the man runs deep. And he has not ceased to entertain me even as i fester under my blanket, rotting with disease. Even today, I still remember my first encounter with Steven Lim 4 years ago, a traumatizing video of the eyebrow plucker doing another unoriginal rendition of Dragonstea Din Tei. (That bloody annoying Numa Numa song.) The only difference: His video involved Armpits...


My eyes were never quite the same again.

This video goes to show that education, indeed, never stops. (Even if you're stuck at home.) Being dusty, is now apparently the worst thing that could ever happen to someone. And if you really want to hurt someone on the inside, calling him/her a chicken pie is considered the extreme insult.
Also, If you listen to the video carefully, you'll notice the exact point of time where Stevie turns castrati. (00:51 onwards)

The Incoherent argument, backed up by his choice set of vocabulary, does seem to make one wonder whether or not Steven Lim should be deserving of having the honour to top the list of Singapore's most disgusting bloggers. Risking my health even further, I dived into his website, which was plastered with many self whoring photographs. All were quite disgusting, but this was truly the coup de grâce


Nothing's more appealing than a sweaty man with a DHL in Grey undies. Nope.

Nuff' Said.

Drowsy now, Gonna go to sleep...

Starting a Blog : The Walkthrough

It's been ever so long,

And now blogging seems so hard... With all the available options out there, how is one supposed to know which client will help me get the most out of his blogging experience? There's Xanga, Friendster, Blogger, Livejournal, Myspace, Blogdrive, Diaryland, DiaryX, DairyXXX, Mommy's Little Blogger etc. etc...

Zeet Ees All Foreign to moi...

Ah Hah! A QUEST!!!
So i called in for assistance, advice from professional.... advisers. They were somewhat advisory.
For example, my sister, a veteran at this kind of shit, was crucial in helping me create my blog.

1st question: Where do you want your blog to be posted?

Background checks on the blog client must be made in advance in order to ensure client has a good reputation. These checks can be done via very responsible and totally reliable sites such as Urban Dictionary and Uncyclopedia. (Vast riches of knowledge await...)


Sooo... Maybe not LiveJournal?

So, Blogger then. Which is supposedly more convienient and user-friendly...
Right, 2nd Question: Name of Blog?

This was easy, cause my blog is going to be sooo awesome, it's going to be better than Nirvana and the Beatles combined...


More Awesome than us? cannot be larh. What smells like teen spirit?

Question 3: URL?

Now ladies and gentlemen, This is a hard one. How was I going to synthesize a name, so holy, to ever befit my revolutionary and wonderful blog? Stumped at this Dilemma, I called out for help over the great Em As End Msngr...

"just put your name la..."
"ur url shld be sumthing special 2 u n stuff"
"gunboundking27.blogspot.com"
"O.o I don't blog anymore, sorry...."
"what about the wanabes?"

msn failed me...

Ohwells. Anyway i just found out that my URL name can be changed at anytime, so yeah.
But Seriously though; this blog IS better than chicken....

Question 4: Blog Template?

If you're a guy, take Minima Black... If you're a girl, you can try the polka dot one... but you'll change it anyway...

And Voila!


YES!!! AWESOME!!! I can literally taste the awesomeness

There, that concludes my little tutorial on blog creating... and here's my new problem. What am i going to blog about next?

Till Next Time.