Stupid Lians.

I hate pureMILK.

I have unceasingly loathed it with heartfelt enmity ever since my eyes were first exposed to that abomination of clothing. And the fact that it is endorsed by Ah Lians everywhere just goes to show that it is truly deserving of our abhorrence. Come on, It's an Ah Lian brand made by Ah Lians... and I hate Ah Lians.

To my horror, I saw this guy with really ugly hair and a face to match wearing this on the bus yesterday...

Ok, this guy needs to go down to the precinct and surrender his testicles because he obviously doesn't deserve them. I had to muster all the self restraint i had to stop myself from lunging forward and snipping away his balls. Guys, don't think that wearing a shirt sworn by Ah Lians will score you chicks. You look like a complete gaywad.

And Milk doesn't make you drunk, contrary to what it says on the label. I'm pretty sure that i have never been in an inebriated state because of milk. And I'm absolutely certain that milk does not contain any alcohol of sorts. A trip to my local refrigerator confirms this fact.



Let's see... doesn't seem as if milk contains any trace of alcohol... Milk may give you flatulence or osmotic diarrhea if you are lactose intolerant, but is incapable of inducing a drunken stupor. So there you stupid Ah Lians and Bengs...



Out of curiosity, i visited PMK's website where i was greeted by a massive onslaught of pinkness, Kawaii nehx ^_^ no? Though slightly perturbed, i ventured on... and found this.



No wonder this is why Ah Lians and Bengs of the universe have chosen PMK as their champion, it is the epitome of the one trait all of them share: Bad English. Argh i just can't stand Puremilk...

On a side note, i am very content and pleased with Life of late. Thank the lord for good grades and good friends. Seniors night was fun, but i can't upload any photos in case the Ah Lians later come in their PMK and stalk me down and brutally kill me with their rebonded hair. >.<

Does Carbon Monoxide go for Mass? or Volume?

I have transcended to the next level of nerdiness.



I am severely jeopardizing my chances at ever finding a girlfriend by posting this. I can only dream of a Utopia where someone may actually like and appreciate me for me Uber elite skills at a Rubik's cube. "Fat chance of that ever happening in this Superficial world..." Anyhow, I am not daunted by this at present moment as i have my cube, which i have endowed affectionately the endearing moniker: Rubi. I think she's named rather apt.

In Comparison, A Rubik's cube can be much better than a girlfriend. Both are sure to provide entertainment to a certain degree... but while a girlfriend taxes heavily on one's wallet, Rubi is cheap, in the monetary sense of the word of course. ($4.90, What a Steal.) Although i do let others play with Rubi :/
Rubi also allows me to play with her anytime for however long i want, something which, should you be foolish enough to try on your girlfriend, would most certainly result in a throbbing cheek, and a mad girlfriend. Most undesirable, unless you're into that kind of stuff...

I learnt the solution to the cube last week, and though it was geeky in retrospect to memorize the various algorithms required, it was still really fun. And the sense of satisfaction one obtains after solving the cube the virgin time is just... liberating. And i seem to have sparked a renewed interest in the cube :\

......

The following conversation took place yesterday night (Honestly...) :

Irritating Little Brother: Hey, what's the best way to remove harmful gases from car exhaust?

Sad Ol' Me: Huh? Say again... (I was playing with the cube... Too distracted to listen or breathe... )

ILB: How to remove gases from car exhaust?

SOM: Just install a Catalytic Converter...

ILB: A Catholic Converter?



So Hilarious... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHA

May be Wordy...

There are a select few are gifted in weaving verse so poignant, it haunts the inner soul. These people are sporadic among us. They provide nourishment for the soul, through emotion in the form of words. Poetry, has thus become a tool for many, all seeking to follow in the footsteps of great poets such as Shakespeare and TS Elliot. However, Shakespeare and Elliot were geniuses... Most people are simply not "Shakespearean" in nature and should not pursue poetry for the sake of all mankind.

Because of its accessibility, poetry has been subjugated by many aspiring bad poets, leading to the creation of many bastardized variants of poetry. Despite the vast differences 'Bad' poetry may have with its superior cousin in measures of talent, Bad poetry can prove to be equally, or even more entertaining. Awful poetry as such is commonplace, especially on the Internet, where various tortured poets dwell.

Last night, i found myself amused by The Waitress, which i had dismissed originally due to my inaccurate presumption that it was a "Chick Flick." Do not be deterred by this as you will miss out on a good movie which manages to balance humour and emotional impact masterfully. My only quirk was that its ending was not as satisfactory as it could have been, and more loose ends could have be tightened up. But back to the point, what inspired this post was actually one of the characters in the film, a geeky stalker dwarf by the moniker of "Ogie"(Played by Eddie Jemison), which is apparently short for Oklahoma. His atrocious poetry left me in tears, for sheer humour value. Watch it, and you'll know what I mean...

So, how do you write bad poetry? The answer should come naturally, but for the sake of you idiotic aspirants, i will instruct you in the ways of the 'bad poet'.

There has been much debate amidst the Bad Poet community on whether or not Bad poems should rhyme. While some believe that all efforts should should made in order for the verse to be structured in rigid Iambic form, others feel that such inflexibility limits the freedom which poetry is supposed to convey. One good example of bad poetry is as such.

I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh)
But you keep fronting (uh)
Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh)
But I ain't see nothin' (ah)

I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh)
But you keep fronting (uh)
Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh)
But I ain't see nothin' (ah)

Note the skillful manipulation of sounds to create an overall rhyming effect, albeit horrible poetry. When creating bad poetry, just use all means (alliteration, repetition) for this desired effect to degrade yourself as much as possible.

Your poetry should include as many themes which you do not know about. These themes should be deep and impressive, so as make your poetry seem as profound as can be. Themes such as Nihilism, War, and Politics should do fine here. And remember, It's not what you know that counts, its how much you write which does. You are at the liberty to shit out as much crap as you want, don't let something like quality control get in your way.

I could ramble on and all, but i believe that should i rant on any longer, the verbosity of this post may overwhelm your puny brains and cause your cerebrums to dis-function. Good bye and have fun shitting up the universe with Bad poetry.

Diploma in Warfare

Some Lessons in warfare we can learn from watching King Arthur, It being an excellent representation of what medieval warfare was like.
To fully appreciate the ingenuity of this post, please watch King Arthur. Free Publicity hor...

1.)People superior to you in rank are Jerks.

This is a Universal fact and is unable to be refuted by any Evidence, be it hard, soft, or of a degree varying between the two.

2.)Why spend time smelting swords when you have screws?


In the 15th century, no one's got time to scoot over to the blacksmith to order a sword with all the serfing and lording that needs to be done. The solution: Simply pop on an unused hilt onto the edge of a sword and use your Phillips-Head Screwdriver to magically induce weaponry of sturdy quality. This frees up valuable time for other leisurely 15th century pastimes, such as Bike riding and Computer games.

3.)Skinny, emaciated girls are able to wield weapons twice their weight.



Contrary to popular belief, Females do not need to stock up on anabolic steroids in order to measure up with their male counterparts. They are blessed with the ability to exhibit colossal strength in hostile situations, and store all that magnificent tenacity in their diminutive figures. Just look at Guinevere draw a full size bow, a considerable task even for male archers, with ease.
Keira Knightley is 105 lbs and she is able to draw a Bow. I can't even draw a Circle...

4.)Horses are an effective tool against shields.

As as the film depicts it, shields are in actual fact constructed out of a partially permeable membrane which is able to allow horses to diffuse through it. Knights on steeds are therefore able to charge through clustered groups of footmen like a hot knife does through butter.

5.)If you're the first wave sent into attack, you're probably going to die.

This is because in every war, there is a prerequisite of dead bodies to fulfill before it can be considered a war. Likewise, in every movie, there is also a fixed quota of dead bodies to realize in order for viewers to consider the lead characters as severely overpowered in warfare. Therefore, if wish not to meet with a grimly demise in battle, Never volunteer to lead your platoon, Heed not your officer's commands and always scurry to the back like a little girl.

6.)In a game of Rock Paper Scissors, Just use Fire.

Charmanders are well sought after in times of Medieval War

Because Fire always wins everything else. Fire burns paper, melts scissors, and... exfoliates the rock. Fire wins just about everything except for Water. But what are you going to do with water in wartime? Super soak your opponent? Fire also solves every problem under the sun; When you're angry with your laundry? Burn your laundry. When you're angry with your friends? Burn your friends. When you're angry with life? Burn yourself. Need I say more about Fire?

7.)Your best friend always gets it.

And when I say 'It', I don't mean getting laid. I mean getting Dead. So as to make the main character more conflicted and brooding than he already is. Everyone loves a good heart wrenching tragedy. All the more reason not to be close friends with your commander, after all, fate has a funny way of manifesting herself.

8.)Killing the Leader of your enemies is equivalent to an instantaneous win.


You Kill one Saxon, You've killed them all.

Somehow, my initial impression of warfare was not something like this, where you are able to smite down the incurred wrath of a whole army by eliminating its leader in a one on one duel to the death. I must commend the Saxons for all dying at the right moment, when their leader is struck down. Very precise timing and excellent coordination.

Walk away today with a better understanding of War, and remember: When all else fails, use Fire.

Long Hair is Commensurate with how Misunderstood you feel.

Sadako epitomizes this.


Ish Troo, eYe qUiTe MeEsHuNdErStOoD.

Blogger's Spell check is going crazy here. Haha. Moving on...

That's how I've been feeling of late. Be tolerant as I try to get intimate with my sensitive, personal emotions... This connection might take a while.

Stupid 56k dial up modem...

I'm feeling... lost. And not like Emmy winning hit American serial Drama "Lost", but rather just lost. I don't know what am i doing wrong here, all i know is that what I'm doing doesn't seem to be right. It can't be right because it feels so wrong. Then there's people: I used to scorn those who wallowed in self pity induced by their antisocial tendencies, but now, i think i am able to identify with this sentiment. Can't believe I just wrote that. I guess i'm just weary of not being myself...

I miss the time where i could just be myself in front of people with no apprehension that they would judge you based on how you conduct yourself. Everyone's a critic nowadays, and the only way to not be arbitrated is to build partitions around you, for fear that what you are would be mutinous to your cause. Time after time i have let myself get hurt because of being myself, and therefore i have inexorably adapted and became resilient. I am careful, careful to not give these "critics" anymore reason to condemn me the moment i slip up.

I don't like to be fake. But I don't like getting hurt either.
_________
How do you take something as intangible as feelings and embody it in definite form for the world to see? "My good sir, It simply cannot be done." Very well, seeing that the Literature paper is just around the corner, I will compose a poem in lieu of actual studying of set text. Enjoy this magnificent composition of depth and whatnots.

I lay in darkness
Nihilism, All I am.
Hark, Is that a Lark?

The Haiku, the form of Poetry so ravished in the blatant futile mimicry of great poets. Note how I inserted "dark and emo" words such as Nihilism into the verse skillfully. It helps fabricate the illusion that i am indeed troubled and rebellious. You could not tell the difference between this and the lyrics to the latest song by the coolest goth/punk rock band.

Perhaps I am being addled by stress. My cerebrum has been overrun by this madness known as "study." Hopefully I will regain clarity before tomorrow. You have my assurance that the next post has nothing to do with me... Please do not abandon readership lol.

If I wasn't so empathic perhaps I'll be a lot happier :/
SighX.

Liv Teh Dweam. ( First Part of a Trigonometry.)

Even though i am aware of the fact that this vile merchandise is the exact same shit repackaged in a fancy box, I still find myself compelled to purchase. This is not because i am susceptible to Mediacorp's nefarious peddling, rather i thrive on its painful existence, seeing that it has to endure the scrutiny of me and other fellow asshole self-righteous bastards.

Like every reality/variety show produced in Singapore, Live the Dream's cash prize is so palsy and unattractive, and not truly able to aid an aspiring musician in his future endeavors. It's so miserable, It's probably warrant enough only for starving musicians to get themselves a job before this "dream" dissipates. No wonder the necessity to rally people to nominate/sabo friends into this cheap scam. How Shrewd, Mediacorp.

Granted, the contestants this time round are far much more talented that those from previous incarnations. However, their brilliance is marred by the recurring resident judges Dick and Ken. I know, Singapore's music industry is small enough... Still, Is it really imperative to use the same judges? Why don't we just call the show Singapore 25 and above Idol? Seeing as it's already so not the same show.

Also, If you don't intend to make a contract with any of the contestants, Why do you still nitpick on anything else rather than their vocal capabilities? Yes, I'm looking at you Ken. It's not supposed to be about package anymore isn't it? It's supposedly just based on talent. Stop looking at their clothes and just listen to how they sound! Yes Dick, we know you're wearing Marc Jacobs... sheesh

Also, who can resist taking a straight jab at some of these memorable one liners?

"You get to decide who goes on, and who stays in the competition." ~ Utt :/

"You are an experienced musician, that's the problem. You look too comfortable." ~ Ken Lim
(Excuse me, but that's like saying: Polar bear, you live too much in the Arctic. You look too cool, you should live in the Sahara desert.)

"I HAVE A THING FOR DRUMMERS" ~ Ann Hussein *swoons*
"I must say, you have got the look down pat. Best dressed of the night." ~ Dick Lee to Victor Tang
(Hello? Am i experiencing Deja Vu? If you don't get it, here's what they were wearing...)




...
And now for some purdy pixxiez of the night!!!


Teh Hips don't Lie.


If I could ever one day meet this fan, I would ask her about her secret to grow dimples as lovely as hers.


Why. The. Need. For. Arm. Peed.


People I like, such as these guys.

Brim in Anticipation for the pearls of wisdom found in the next part of the Trigonometry. Thanks, I love you guys too.